I think about him a lot. I know I shouldn't, but I do and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm not sure if it's a two-steps-forward-one-step-back or one-step-forward-two-steps-back sort of thing. Either way, whenever I feel that there is some sort of progress, something just makes the whole thing regress, and I'm back at square one.
A friend and I have been talking about boys a lot. She's in a sort of similar situation, and I guess neither of us know how to deal with such things. Tonight, while walking home from school, I was telling her about how I was looking for a birthday card for him. I'm not exactly sure when it is, but I know it's next month. Either way, she stopped me and asked "What do you expect in return from him?"
My answer was "Absolutely nothing." Which is entirely true. I got my answer months ago that it wasn't going to happen. And yet somehow that hasn't changed the way I feel. If I do something for him, it's because I want to do it, not because I expect anything in return.
I'm not going to say that I'm not a hopeful person. I obviously am. But if there's anything I've learned through my interpersonal relationships (and life in general), is that if you expect too much, you will always be disappointed. Things rarely ever go according to plan. Just like this card. I plan on sending one, but if I don't find one that seems appropriate, I might not. Or if I change the way I feel about this situation, I might throw the idea out the window as well.
In completely other news, I got to experience my first ever tea ceremony. It was pretty cool ^^ I was impressed that I actually really liked the Japanese sweets they gave us (I'm pretty much the pickiest eater ever, for those of you who are unaware...). Oh, and the tea was fantastic too. I've become quite the green tea fan since I've arrived here~! I drink both hot and cold green tea like it's nobody's business. The only negative thing about the whole thing was sitting in traditional Japanese style for 40 minutes. Man, was it ever painful... It makes you gain a whole new respect for people who sit like that often :S
So, today's blog's conclusion? Do things because you want to do them, not because you expect anything from them. And tea ceremonies are delicious, but hard on the legs and feet.
I don't agree, don't send him a card. I know you want to because you think that it's a nice gesture and somehow you're protecting yourself because you're not expecting anything in return, but deep down you are hoping for something and it will hurt when you get no response. I don't want you to get hurt anymore. I know exactly how you feel, I feel that way about someone too but you have to realize that they aren't worth it. He may not be directly mean or a jerk to you, but his inactions speak louder than words. Remember He's Just Not That Into You! If you didn't take it with you, I will mail it to you if I have to!
ReplyDelete