Boys Boys Boys

There is no doubt countless cultural differences between Japan and the western world. In general, most of these difference can be understood and overcome. However, the one that I understand the least, is Japanese guys.

Yes, they are culturally different from guys from guys in the west. And not just in the obvious "they were born and raised in Japan, and think sort of differently" ways. But because they're really fucking vague.

In the west, you are taught that if I guy isn't interested in you, he won't go out of his way to see you, he'll be vague about everything, and these are just his nice ways of trying to reject you without having to actually reject you. So you shouldn't try to pursue these guys, because it won't end favourably for you.

But in Japan, it seems to be the opposite. Guys who are interested in you will be vague, because, like everything about Japanese society, being too direct can come off as rude. And, obviously if a guy does like you, the last thing he wants to do is be rude to you on a first date, right?

But that being said, of the two first dates I've been on since coming to Japan, I couldn't tell you if either of them were really dates at all. That's how vague everything is.

The first date was a few months ago. We went for yakiniku, and that was that. Even though we had a good time at the restaurant, there was no suggestion on his part to prolong the evening at all (we got out of the restaurant by 9 at the latest), but then he walked me home and that was that. I was convinced it had gone well. But when I saw him afterwards in group settings he was awkward, and even talking to him online got weird. And then we just eventually stopped talking and now he has a girlfriend. The fact that he has a girlfriend now isn't what upsets me though... but it's the fact that I have no idea who rejected who. Was I supposed to go after him after the first date and try to get him to go on another date? Did he get the wrong message when I didn't? Cause I was waiting for him....

Yesterday I went on another first date. I met this guy on Monday at some nomikai, and we got along super well. And the next day or so he sent me a text message asking me out to some concert. Long story short, and many text messages later, we decided to go to an izakaya just the two of us. To me, all these things say "date", right? And, again, no awkwardness at the restaurant at all, which was great. But at some point he started talking about this friend of his who he felt bad for because, at 19-years-old, he has yet to have a single girlfriend. And the reason why he originally wanted for me, him, and a bunch of both of our friends to go out was that he was looking for a girlfriend for his friend..... Now when I originally got the message from him saying that I should invite some friends out, I, and the friends I consulted, assumed that he was just too shy to ask me out just the two of us at first.... But was that really the reason for inviting me out? Then he started asking me what kinds of guys I liked... so he could find some to bring to our eventual goukon (kind of like a singles' party). Now, again, was this just sorta saving his own ass from being too direct? Or was he being serious? Pinky doesn't know.

So yeah, after the izakaya, he just walked with me to the train station and we went our separate ways. Again, I am left completely confused as to: A) whether or not that was a date, and B) whether or not it was a success.

So yeah, that's my story. When I first came to Japan, seeing almost no Japanese-guy-Foreigner-girl couples, I assumed that Japanese guys were too shallow to want to date foreigners. But that's not it at all. Foreign girls most likely don't understand how Japanese relationships work, and even if they do, they probably lose patience and get frustrated, and the relationship doesn't last very long. That's my theory. Because if first dates are this vague, I can't see how the rest of the relationship is any different.

For the Record...

I am not your personal shopper.

I am not your tour guide.

I am not google or wikipedia.

Figure shit out on your own, fuck.

Over and out.

Step One

Today was one of those days where everything seemed to piss me off.

But what always seems to piss you off the most is when someone tells you what you've already known for a while, but have been too in denial about to really accept it as a fact.

You're not good enough.

The world doesn't revolve around you.

Other people have bigger problems.

You have to work harder.

If you don't do it yourself, no one will do it for you.

No one likes hearing these sorts of things. Because they're true, and you know they're true. And that's why you pretend they aren't.

That being said, I'm starting to really think that advice is worst received when you're completely lost and frustrated. Because more often than not it just gets you upset or more frustrated and lost.

But if that's the case, that just completely proves how alone we really are in the world, and how our lives are shaped by the decisions that we make for ourselves. And that is why we will forever be at step one.

Pinky ≠ Amazon.co.jp

How do you tell someone to kindly fuck off?

No, but really. This is twice now in the last few months that someone I barely know asks me if I can buy them X, Y or Z from Japan for them.

No. I don't do favours for people I barely know. I don't care if you like my statuses or comment on my photos. That doesn't mean we're friends.

Just because I live in Japan, does not mean I am anyone's personal shopping site. That's why amazon exists. And contrary to popular belief, Japan is not jam-packed with anime, manga, and other related fanstuff. Sure it exists, but it's not fucking everywhere and it's definitely not in the places I go to. Tokyo's fucking huge, with tons of districts and stores, and tons of places that I never go to because I have no interest in these things. So how the hell can you think this is even an acceptable request?

I honestly have no interest in going out of my way, spending time, energy, and money that I don't have to get you a fucking book you can get with the click of a button. And the more obscure your desired item is, the more obscure the store it will be in will be too. Thus, me getting lost and wasting a shit ton of time on you is a high probability.

If you're someone I talk to all the time, that's of course a different story. But that is not what we're talking about. At all.

Ugh. This kind of bullshit just really pisses me off.

What makes life interesting is that what you think you need, and what you actually need are often two very different things. And I think that that is one thing I've really come to understand over the last six months.

Everything in life is relative and one's own sense of morality is in a constant battle against one's ability to survive in the world. We live in land where friendship and love has a high turnover rate. The revolving door of people coming in and going out of one's life turns quickly and endlessly.

If nothing else, this life abroad has caused for way more self-reflection and putting-into-perspective than ever imagined.

I'm Afraid of Americans

I used to be a really big David Bowie fan, and although I don't listen to him very often anymore, every now and then I'm reminded of why he's so damn awesome. He wrote some good songs in his time. M'yes.

Am I afraid of Americans? I'm not sure what the right answer is.

A lot of people make the misconception of assuming that Canadians and Americans are very similar culturally and therefore are great friends, and love each other and are pretty much one and the same. But that's a huge lie. And I feel that, especially coming from Québec, my connection to America is very, well, weak.

I don't dislike Americans. I have some very good American friends. However, I cannot deal with close-mindedness, ignorance, or intense conversations about politics or money.

I don't expect my American friends to know too much about Canada, but at the same time, don't make ignorant assumptions about me or where I'm from. Don't insult my country, my province, or my city.

Today I had the unfortunate occasion of debating Canadian vs. American cultural differences with one of the new American students at my school. And I swear, this guy was pretty much pushing all of my buttons.

To make a long story short, allow me to sum up the contents of his half of the "conversation" in the next few lines:

America this. America that. Conservative this. Fiscal that. Money. Money. Money. Politics. Aderall. Lawsuits. Money. Liberals. Conservatives. Israel, Palestine, Muslims. Guns. Politics.

Mix all this some horrible misconceptions about Canada, Québec, and England, and a dab of hypocrisy, and bam, we have exactly what I had to deal with for about an hour or so of my time today. Clearly not what I signed up for when I decided to hang around in the student lounge this morning.

Needless to say, after he left to go to class, a couple of people had to ask me if I was okay. That's how irate my expression was upon his leaving. Man. He's almost exactly like this other annoying guy who just went back to the US. I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this shit again this semester. Ugh.