There is no doubt countless cultural differences between Japan and the western world. In general, most of these difference can be understood and overcome. However, the one that I understand the least, is Japanese guys.
Yes, they are culturally different from guys from guys in the west. And not just in the obvious "they were born and raised in Japan, and think sort of differently" ways. But because they're really fucking vague.
In the west, you are taught that if I guy isn't interested in you, he won't go out of his way to see you, he'll be vague about everything, and these are just his nice ways of trying to reject you without having to actually reject you. So you shouldn't try to pursue these guys, because it won't end favourably for you.
But in Japan, it seems to be the opposite. Guys who are interested in you will be vague, because, like everything about Japanese society, being too direct can come off as rude. And, obviously if a guy does like you, the last thing he wants to do is be rude to you on a first date, right?
But that being said, of the two first dates I've been on since coming to Japan, I couldn't tell you if either of them were really dates at all. That's how vague everything is.
The first date was a few months ago. We went for yakiniku, and that was that. Even though we had a good time at the restaurant, there was no suggestion on his part to prolong the evening at all (we got out of the restaurant by 9 at the latest), but then he walked me home and that was that. I was convinced it had gone well. But when I saw him afterwards in group settings he was awkward, and even talking to him online got weird. And then we just eventually stopped talking and now he has a girlfriend. The fact that he has a girlfriend now isn't what upsets me though... but it's the fact that I have no idea who rejected who. Was I supposed to go after him after the first date and try to get him to go on another date? Did he get the wrong message when I didn't? Cause I was waiting for him....
Yesterday I went on another first date. I met this guy on Monday at some nomikai, and we got along super well. And the next day or so he sent me a text message asking me out to some concert. Long story short, and many text messages later, we decided to go to an izakaya just the two of us. To me, all these things say "date", right? And, again, no awkwardness at the restaurant at all, which was great. But at some point he started talking about this friend of his who he felt bad for because, at 19-years-old, he has yet to have a single girlfriend. And the reason why he originally wanted for me, him, and a bunch of both of our friends to go out was that he was looking for a girlfriend for his friend..... Now when I originally got the message from him saying that I should invite some friends out, I, and the friends I consulted, assumed that he was just too shy to ask me out just the two of us at first.... But was that really the reason for inviting me out? Then he started asking me what kinds of guys I liked... so he could find some to bring to our eventual goukon (kind of like a singles' party). Now, again, was this just sorta saving his own ass from being too direct? Or was he being serious? Pinky doesn't know.
So yeah, after the izakaya, he just walked with me to the train station and we went our separate ways. Again, I am left completely confused as to: A) whether or not that was a date, and B) whether or not it was a success.
So yeah, that's my story. When I first came to Japan, seeing almost no Japanese-guy-Foreigner-girl couples, I assumed that Japanese guys were too shallow to want to date foreigners. But that's not it at all. Foreign girls most likely don't understand how Japanese relationships work, and even if they do, they probably lose patience and get frustrated, and the relationship doesn't last very long. That's my theory. Because if first dates are this vague, I can't see how the rest of the relationship is any different.
No comments:
Post a Comment