Caged

They say that time heals all wounds, but I'm really not sure about that. The more time passes, the more you analyze and reanalyze a situation, until you've analyzed it to death and you realize how much you were hurt. And it hurts more. And you grow more angry and bitter, and you begin to hate.

I think about my ex-boyfriend a lot. And it's killing me. And I don't mean think of in a longing-way. No, I pinpoint him as the route of all my emotional problems these days. It probably isn't fair of me to do that, but it can't be helped.

The thing is that I am constantly reminding myself of the fact that I can't have things that normal people have. And that constantly reminds me of him. Because he was the one who made me realize that my shortcomings make me undesirable as a person. Worthless, even.

So whenever I feel worthless, I think of him. Whenever I feel like I will never amount to anything, I think of him.

Because they are linked in my mind.

I want him to go away. I want my problems to go away. I want to go to bed and wake up and be fresh and new and free.