14.03.21

"He needs someone who will love so much," she said.

Oh really, I thought. But I think I can give him that. I could love him if he let me.

If he just let me in.

But he walked away, again.

14.03.17

"I don't care much for Japanese music," you said. "Maybe it's because I can understand the lyrics, but, it all just sounds the same. You grow tired of it."


The more I think about it, the more I think you're right. Lately I crave good music, and the only thing that seems to do is English stuff. But I understand the lyrics and I don't grow tired.

But then again I'm not you.

14.03.16

Where you thinking of me that night? Or was it her?

Did you want to see me? Or was she busy?

Or were you drunk and sad and alone?



Were you thinking of me when you got up and walked away?

When I told you I missed you.

When you sat next to her.

Why her.



I still don't hate you yet.

14.03.08

I found a list of albums you posted and said were your personal albums of the year. I listened to a couple and they are fantastic. And it makes me want to see you again. It makes me want to talk to you. It makes me want to know that you don't hate me. That maybe you even love me.

But you probably don't.

Because you said you don't love anyone.



The thing about music is that you can fall completely and utterly in love with a song. The melody, the lyrics, the fantastic merging of instruments and voice. You can know in an instant that nothing can come between you.

I've never loved people the way I love some songs.



I remember being in your room. You would turn off the lights and just let the music play. And you'd hold me and we'd dance and in that instant everything was perfect.

I wonder sometimes about you, and how you are. But I wonder more about what that music was called.  What it sounded like exactly.

I miss it more than you.

14.03.04

The thing I loved about you was not the way you would joke with me, or the fact that we were the same age. It was that look in your eyes that you would keep from most people. Where you looked so tired and lonely and emotionally beat. 

For the last month or so we haven't spoken, and as much as I'm not one to talk about feelings or explain why I do things, I feel like if we just sat down and you gave me the time to explain a couple of things, maybe we could get past this weird limbo we're in. Because I feel like it's all just a big misunderstanding. 

Today, as I passed you in the hallway, I looked at you and you looked at me, and you greeted me with the same blank, exhausted face that I was wearing. Without saying a word I raised my hand as if to say hello and you did the same back. No smiles, no words. 

No logic.