The Card, Part 2

I've had a couple of negative responses to my card-writing idea and have been thinking about what to respond for a while.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I appreciate that my friends are simply trying to look out for me, but people have to realize that I've never done things like other people. I don't dress like most people. I don't talk like most people. I don't think or act like most people. So this being said, I don't simply categorize someone as "jerk" or "asshole" because of their inability to return feelings. That's life. Is it disappointing at times? Absolutely, but that's just the way it is.

I don't like when people say that he isn't worth it. I don't think anyone really realizes how indebted I feel towards him either. Or how much I appreciated even the little things he did for me. Because at the time, they were the right things at the right time, and sometimes that's what you need, someone to be there right at the right moment to help you get through small hurdles.

Now, I'm not going to explain all my reasons for my wanting to write this card, but what I am going to say is that it's more complicated than "I really liked the guy and want him to like me back." We're way past that. I have realized that it's never going to happen, even if I sometimes relapse into like-mode, but that doesn't make me angry or bitter towards him at all. This does not outweigh all the positive emotions attached to this person.

People are simply people. Most aren't especially good or bad. They're all just trying to get by the best way they can. And the way I get by is by trying to do as many good things for people as possible, all the while trying to respect my own needs and wants. Most people never return the favour. But maybe one day, I'll meet someone who thinks exactly like me, and our friendship will be both of our ideals. And if I never do, I hope that that does not keep me from trying to do good for others.

All this to say, I found a card, it's been written, and it's going out tomorrow.

23

The kindness of strangers is one of the most heartwarming and wonderful things in life. You always expect your close friends and family to be the ones to lift you up when you're down, but sometimes that isn't the case. And then, out of the blue, someone you don't know comes along at the right moment and does something so amazing you just have no words. And nothing else compares in your mind.

That's the best way I can describe my birthday this year.

I can't say that I was depressed or anything beforehand, but I was worried about it. Moving to a new place where you know no one just a few weeks before your birthday is scary. Would I have anyone to celebrate it with me? Would my friends back home remember? Would I fall into a hopeless case of homesickness?

Well, all I can say is that I had one of the best birthdays I've ever had this year, thanks to people who were strangers to me one month ago. On my actual birthday, a couple of my girlfriends from my dorm organized a little something in the common room, where we all had dinner together, which was cute. One of them also got me a purikura album, some pretty tape to decorate it, and a dinosaur chocolate mould :D

So when I had half-assed organized something for this past Saturday night, I just assumed that we'd go to the izakaya, then karaoke and just have a small little thing. But no! My friends from my dorm actually organized a surprise party for me :D They invited most of the kids from the US program along~! Altogether we were 13 people~! It was so nice of them :) And it was so nice of all those people to come too! I had barely talked to most of them before last night, and they all live pretty far out, so I was really touched that they made it to my party :)

So we Izakaya'ed and Karaoke'ed and it was great :) And when I got home there was something hanging off of my door! It was a piece of cake roll from my dorm manager! I think that that was the cherry on the I-can't-believe-how-nice-some-people-are cake. Not a single person had to do anything for me for my birthday. These people had no obligation to me, and yet, they spent so much time, energy and money on me. I have no words for how grateful I am :)

I forgot to mention, I also got to see my favourite band, Blonde Redhead, this week. A birthday present from me to me :) They played at Club House Fever on the 27th, which is actually a suuuper tiny place next to a super tiny train station. I almost didn't go because I had been sick all week... but I had already bought the ticket and didn't want to waste 3000¥ (or miss BR T_T) and it was just a cold, so I decided to go anyway. And it was wonderful. It was pretty much a one-hour-long musicgasm. It's the second time I see them, and the second time that I go alone. It isn't lonely at all though. If anything, it's better that way. It's nice to dance around with a bunch of strangers in a foreign place and just absorb what's going on around you, without having to worry about how A or B is enjoying the show. I sort of like how no one I know likes them as much as I do... It makes them more special in a way... I like things I can have a very intimate and exclusive relationship with. I guess that's why I'm so possessive of things and people... Ah... the power of reflection lol.

They changed their setlist and their order of songs a bit from Montreal to Tokyo, which makes sense, because they played a somewhat shorter show in Tokyo. They left out my favourite song from Penny Sparkle, which was a bit disappointing. I was afraid they were going to leave out 23, which would have made me cry. But they kept it for the encore this time. Not only is 23 my favourite song of all time, it is also the age I turned on Wednesday, so I felt like they had to play it.

Listen. Enjoy. Fall in love.

Boys and a Tea Ceremony

I think about him a lot. I know I shouldn't, but I do and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm not sure if it's a two-steps-forward-one-step-back or one-step-forward-two-steps-back sort of thing. Either way, whenever I feel that there is some sort of progress, something just makes the whole thing regress, and I'm back at square one.

A friend and I have been talking about boys a lot. She's in a sort of similar situation, and I guess neither of us know how to deal with such things. Tonight, while walking home from school, I was telling her about how I was looking for a birthday card for him. I'm not exactly sure when it is, but I know it's next month. Either way, she stopped me and asked "What do you expect in return from him?"

My answer was "Absolutely nothing." Which is entirely true. I got my answer months ago that it wasn't going to happen. And yet somehow that hasn't changed the way I feel. If I do something for him, it's because I want to do it, not because I expect anything in return.

I'm not going to say that I'm not a hopeful person. I obviously am. But if there's anything I've learned through my interpersonal relationships (and life in general), is that if you expect too much, you will always be disappointed. Things rarely ever go according to plan. Just like this card. I plan on sending one, but if I don't find one that seems appropriate, I might not. Or if I change the way I feel about this situation, I might throw the idea out the window as well.

In completely other news, I got to experience my first ever tea ceremony. It was pretty cool ^^ I was impressed that I actually really liked the Japanese sweets they gave us (I'm pretty much the pickiest eater ever, for those of you who are unaware...). Oh, and the tea was fantastic too. I've become quite the green tea fan since I've arrived here~! I drink both hot and cold green tea like it's nobody's business. The only negative thing about the whole thing was sitting in traditional Japanese style for 40 minutes. Man, was it ever painful... It makes you gain a whole new respect for people who sit like that often :S

So, today's blog's conclusion? Do things because you want to do them, not because you expect anything from them. And tea ceremonies are delicious, but hard on the legs and feet.

Off Days and キムタク

I had a bit of an off day today. I woke up a bit hungover from last night's fun (we izakaya'ed, then karaoke'd till 4 am XD), but luckily I felt better by the time I left my place. I didn't really want to spend much money, so I decided to just stay in Ikebukuro and explore a little.

On off-days, I prefer to do things by myself. Sure, that in itself makes me feel lonely, but when I hang out with friends on such days, I'm often sort of irritable and snappy, and it's no good for anyone. At least walking lets me reflect on things and think...

I really like Ikebukuro. I live in the quiet part, but am in walking distance from Sunshine City and all the other fun places around that area. I must say, I love how much I've been walking lately. I love the temperature outside. I love the lack of snow. I love how much stuff is everywhere. I love how you'll be walking down big streets and see tiny streets packed with stores and restaurants in between. I love how sometimes you'll be walking through modern Tokyo and BAM you hit a temple or shrine in between two buildings. That's one of the things I find most interesting about Japan... its ability to merge traditional and modern. Somehow it all works quite well, or at least little, ignorant me seems to think so ^^;

I have recently become somewhat obsessed with Kimura Takuya. I blame the fact that his face and name are pretty much everywhere I go. Hell, 「キムタク」even made a guest appearance in one of my textbooks the other day... So I decided to go to Book Off today to see what kind of SMAP albums they had. They had a ton at 250¥ a pop. I bought a couple and ended up really liking them, so I might go back tomorrow to pick up some more ^^ I can't say that SMAP is any kind of musical masterpiece, but they're fun and catchy, and I need a bit of that in my life ^^

This is キムタク btw. Isn't he sexy? XD

Talking about music, I finally picked up my ticket to see Blonde Redhead on Thursday. I'm sorta excited to experience my first Japanese concert ^^ I don't expect it to be tooo wild, just because they're not pop-y or rock or anything like that... Either way, I'll keep you all posted on how it goes ^^

All in all, my day wasn't bad at all, it was just one of those days when you question everything and wonder what everything means. The only extremely bad part of the day was me squishing my finger in the door frame. Somehow I closed my finger in my door. I thought it was going to snap off... It hurt so badly I thought I was going to faint... :S Thankfully, it wasn't all that bad, and one of my dorm-mates hooked me up with some ice... so it looks normal again... I wonder what kind of bruise I'll have tomorrow ^^;;

Pretty Canadian?

At school, I am technically part of the "US Program", although I am not American. This being said, almost all English-speakers at my school are American. So far, I know of only three Canadians in the entire school (not that we're a very big school... but still...). In general, there is no problem with that. I've made some really nice friends, which is great. The girls in my dorm, especially, are suuuuper nice and we all get along really well. :)

What's interesting is that, although I am here primarily to learn about Japanese things, I am simultaneously learning about the differences between Canada and the US. For one, I have discovered that they do not have Smarties in the States.... Their "Smarties" are what we call "Rockets", which are completely different things. I also had to explain to some friends what the word "tuque" meant (which Americans apparently call "toboggans"). My American friends have also caught onto the fact that I overuse the Canadian 'eh' and this amuses them. Hooray for filling stereotypes XD

Talking about stereotypes, there's this one guy in my class who is driving me crazy. He pretty much fills the "Ugly American" stereotype. He's overweight, unshaven, drinks a lot of soda, wears a tuque in class, and talks out of turn. He talks aaaall the time, it's so annoying. I wouldn't mind if he was positively contributing to the class, but he really isn't. We have daily kanji quizzes, and he always 'jokingly' complains to the teacher about them, and all other homework we get. I think he thinks he's being clever. He asks questions that have absolutely nothing to do with what's going on in class. Today, he was even reading a book during class... My class is like 16 people with the desks arranged in a U-shape... you can see what everyone is doing... It was so rude. And I'm afraid that I'll be associated with this sort of ignorant rude behaviour, as one of the only other non-asians in the class. I don't want this "Ugly American" tarnishing my image. Although I dress weird, I don't dress trashy, or sloppy, I am very nice and respectful in class, and would like to be the opposite of this unfortunate stereotype. Can I be the "Pretty Canadian"? Does that work?

On the plus side, I think some of the Korean students like me. I've been paired up with some of the guys for class activities, and they seem pretty nice ^^ Some of the girls stare at during class sometimes, which is a bit intimidating, but whatever. I can't say that I've officially made any friends in my class yet, but I feel like that might change soon :)

Updates From The East

Dear Blog,

I haven't forgotten about you. I log into you daily to read my friends' updates, I swear! I've just been busy, Blog, so please do not be cross.

I've moved halfway across the world, and have been so busy with official business and school that when I come home I don't have the brain capacity to write anything remotely interesting. But here I am now, attempting to give you some updates about my life.

So what should you know?

Well, for one, I'm now living in Tokyo, in a cute little dorm, in a quiet part of town. We're probably something like a dozen people living in my dorm, and everyone is super friendly, so it's a really nice atmosphere :)

I've also started school, which is nice :) I placed in the level I was aiming for, but because I sorta barely got into the level, my placement hasn't quite been finalized. I'll know for sure next week where I stand. So far, I understand almost everything that's going on in class, but it's still only been 2 days, and my teacher said that it will get very hard as time goes by. What she told me during the interview was that all the students will pretty much start off on par with each other, but the Korean students' abilities will pretty much sky rocket while mine will advance very slowly. My class is almost entirely made up of Koreans. The girls seem sort of intimidating, because they all know each other and talk throughout class, sometimes over people, which I find pretty rude. The guys, on the other hand, seem pretty nice ^^ Regardless, I really hope I'll be able to stay at that level! I'll be super bummed if I get bumped down :(

What other things are new and exciting?

I've started doing laundry, outside actually. Our laundry machines are outside, and there are no dryers, so clothes either hang outside my window, or on the top bunk of my bed. Right now this whole affair is sort of inconvenient, because it's winter lol. It's nothing like Montreal winter though! It's cold and windy, but there's no snow! No freezing rain! No ice! Sometimes I walk around with my coat open! It's great :D

I'm pretty sure I experienced my first Tokyo earthquake the other day too! I say "pretty sure" just because my building is constantly shaking (it must be over a train or something)... buut my 'earthquake' was significantly more shaky... so yeah... imma say it was an earthquake!

I've also started experiencing the non-touristy side of Tokyo, which is pretty interesting. Like I mentioned, I live in a pretty quiet area, not a hotel, or anything smack dab in the middle of the city, which changes things quite a bit. I go to the grocery store where me and my dorm mates are the only foreigners. I walk down small suburban streets, and frequent 7 elevens like a pro. I walk past schools on my way to the train. I get to see local people living normally, as opposed to people working in stores and restaurants in the busier areas. It's a nice change.

I guess that's it for now, Blog. I'll make sure to keep in touch ^.~