13.03.22

1. I am not an automatic translator. I am a person with feelings and shit. So if you and I never hang out, and the only messages I ever get from you is "How do you say this in English?" I am going to want to punch you in the face. Especially if it's for one word. Fuck man, use a fucking dictionary.

2. It's too bad people suck, because I really do like doing translations but it just gets me so upset to get these kinds of stupid messages all the time.

3. Don't give me the excuse that Japanese people are too shy to ask me to hang out if these same people aren't shy when it comes for asking for favors from me. In other words, there's a lot of bullshit going on.

4. I'm extremely bad at sending mail out on time. Or responding to emails or messages or stuff.

5. My friend Marie from Montreal was in town for a couple of days and it was super nice to see her! Last time we hung out was back in November I think so yeah, had a lot of catching up to do. It's really nice having an old friend living in Japan, but living far enough that we actually make sure to make plans with each other every so often. Because when you live in the city you often say things like 'we should hang out' and then never actually get around to it. But when you're only in the same city every few months, you'll actually put in the effort and its great.

6. I want to eat animal donuts everyday.

7. I had the best meal a few days ago in Koenji. Can't stop thinking about it :3

13.03.16

1. What was that about there being no room for a rice ball in a fruit basket? Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel today. I am a rice ball.

2. I'm learning to forget you, or at least detach. But sometimes you make me upset. Sometimes I don't want to see you.

3. This really better be PMS or I'm really just an emotionally unstable person. 

4. I'm starting to understand that sitting in seiza (tradition Japanese style/on your knees) is really all about utilizing vertical space. And for the last year or so, I have been living on floors and needing to use as much vertical space as possible. And so I've been sitting in seiza a lot. My knees aren't so happy about this.

5. I think a lot and overthink and overthink until I make myself miserable by all the overthinking I've done. But at least I don't look at things in a shallow and ignorant way. Though I'm not sure if this is always the healthiest way of living.

6. I routinely overanalyze the usage of certain words. I don't have favorite words, but I absolutely have words I hate. And they aren't words like 'cunt' or 'moist' or words that make most people uncomfortable. The words I hate are demeaning terms that people use freely because they don't understand how hurtful they can be. But maybe this isn't the time to bring them up. 

7. People probably see me as too sensitive. I take things personally. I get defensive easily. It's all true.

8. Sneezing when you're sitting cross-legged is way more painful than it should be. 

13.03.10

1. No matter how much you might be over someone, when they get a girlfriend, it really sucks.

2. When this girlfriend is one of your friends, it sucks even more.

3. When you are indirectly responsible for them spending time together and getting to know each other, well just... fuck.

4. Can't compute. Bah. Dajf;ladjf;safshasjas;dfjfja;.

5. Finding this out a few hours before seeing said guy? Just some more afjalsk;fjsal;faf for you.

6. Sigh.

7. Survived 12+ hours in stiletto boots, walking around the city, standing, and dancing. One proud achievement from yesterday.

8. Got to see the ex-roommate yesterday. It was so nice. Perfect timing. And got hugs. Yay.

9. Still can't compute.  Also can't compute this hangover.

10. Will write a huge long rant as to why this is extremely crappy later. Not upset so much at the people involved but the situation itself. Maybe a bit with the guy, but there's a bunch of reasons for that. But... bah...

13.03.08

1. I don't mind being completely alone. Most of the time I don't feel all that lonely. But I do feel bored, especially at night. Because during the day you can take walks and go window shopping or hang out in coffee shops, but at night all of a sudden, all this just seems like a bad idea to do if you're a girl all alone.

2. As much as I like doing translations for people, they're actually a lot of work. I do some translations for friends' events sometimes and because they barely make money themselves, I don't expect them to pay me. And I really don't mind doing them either, because I get to practice and learn more and that's great. But I really wish these people would actually try to hang out with me from time to time. I really feel sometimes that if I wouldn't do these translations they probably wouldn't include me in the first place, except if they wanted to show off how international they are with their foreign friends. And that's what hurts sometimes. I know everyone's busy, but if you have time to ask me to do unpaid work for you, you have time to ask me to go for coffee at least.

3. There was a French guy dressed as Predator on my train today. I don't even know what to say lol. You know, recently I was feeling a bit nostalgic for the French language and felt I really needed to practice speaking it at some point soon. Just never expected the next person I'd be speaking French with would be an alien from a horror movie lol.

4. As an addition to #3, I've been watching a whole lot of French vlogs on Youtube. They're very addictive and I'm okay with this.

5. I think I'm either starting to harden emotionally or let things go. But seeing as I'm like the grudginator, I'm starting to think it's the former.

6. I am constantly reminded at school that without my one friend in class, I am completely alone. On the first day of class, everyone wants to talk to the foreign kid. When you meet people they always say things like 'I would see you around the halls all the time, and I always wanted to introduce myself...' But then you meet people and they meet people and they choose these other people over you and you're left alone.

7. But this isn't a Japan thing, when you think about it. I am always the one left behind. Maybe that's why I moved away. Maybe I'm different. I'm distant. I'm alone.

8. Maybe I'm an android with a delayed emotional response.

13.03.07

1. I finally got my hands on a copy of 2046 and I'm super happy. Got it for ¥500 too! I had seen it in Montreal at Christmas and sorta hesitated buying it because they only had it subtitled in French. It wouldn't have really been a big problem getting it in French... but it was one of those just-not-what-you-were-looking-for-so-don't-wanna-buy-it kinda moments. Aaand at the same place they had it with English subtitles for rental only. So I was so close yet so far. So I decided against it. I figured if I'm going to get it subbed in a language that wasn't English, I'd rather get it with Japanese subtitles, because I had seen it in Tokyo months before, but hesitated and didn't end up picking it up.

2. Watched the DVD and actually understood most of it. Despite the fact that most of the movie is in Chinese and all of the subtitles were in Japanese. I'm a little proud of this. The fact that it was the second time I see the movie helps a lot. But still. 

3. Everyone needs to stop what they're doing and watch this movie. I couldn't tell you exactly what it's about, or what it all means, but it's definitely worth a watch, if not for the plot, but for the music and the visuals and Kimura Takuya. But I digress. It's a movie that makes you want to fall in love and then get torn apart by the twists and turns and the ugliness of it all. 

4. I like twisted love stories. I like movies with unique music. I like movies with vivid colors. I like high quality foreign movies. 

5. I like movies without a good guy or a bad guy. I like movies that are about people trying to understand their own lives.

13.03.03

1. Got to meet up with the old roommate today, which was really nice. What I really love about seeing him is that there are some things that I can really only talk to him about. Not because they're big secrets or anything, but because he's the only one who can truly understand some of the things I experience here. He's my only caucasian-foreign-exchange-student-in-fashion-school friend, which sounds like it wouldn't be a big deal, but it is. He understands my daily frustrations better than anyone else. And I miss being able to let out steam on a daily basis with him.

2. As much as I complain about things, I really do enjoy living here. I'm just tired from the last few months of mega stress to write positive things all the time. But I promise I'm having fun.

3. So I discovered a whole forest of white hair. Two forests, actually. In other words, I can never really put my hair up again... O__O

4. School year's almost over and I'm pretty excited to have a few weeks off and start a whole new year of new kinds of learning and new adventures.

5. Tokyo grows bigger the longer I live here. Every year I seem to change addresses, change jobs, make new friends. And because of this, I discover new parts of the city, take new trains and metros to new stations. I connect train stations by foot, and see all the residential and commercial bits in between. And it's wonderful.

6. I really enjoy walking through residential Tokyo. When you limit yourself to big stations like Shinjuku, Shibuya, Harajuku, Roppongi, and pretty much anything on the Yamanote Line, you get the false image that Tokyo is jam packed with people. And in many ways, it is. But the residential areas are actually quite empty most of the times. And the buildings are lovely. The layout is wonderful. To most people, it probably isn't very exciting, but it's just so different visually from Montreal, and I just love it.