1. I don't mind being completely alone. Most of the time I don't feel all that lonely. But I do feel bored, especially at night. Because during the day you can take walks and go window shopping or hang out in coffee shops, but at night all of a sudden, all this just seems like a bad idea to do if you're a girl all alone.
2. As much as I like doing translations for people, they're actually a lot of work. I do some translations for friends' events sometimes and because they barely make money themselves, I don't expect them to pay me. And I really don't mind doing them either, because I get to practice and learn more and that's great. But I really wish these people would actually try to hang out with me from time to time. I really feel sometimes that if I wouldn't do these translations they probably wouldn't include me in the first place, except if they wanted to show off how international they are with their foreign friends. And that's what hurts sometimes. I know everyone's busy, but if you have time to ask me to do unpaid work for you, you have time to ask me to go for coffee at least.
3. There was a French guy dressed as Predator on my train today. I don't even know what to say lol. You know, recently I was feeling a bit nostalgic for the French language and felt I really needed to practice speaking it at some point soon. Just never expected the next person I'd be speaking French with would be an alien from a horror movie lol.
4. As an addition to #3, I've been watching a whole lot of French vlogs on Youtube. They're very addictive and I'm okay with this.
5. I think I'm either starting to harden emotionally or let things go. But seeing as I'm like the grudginator, I'm starting to think it's the former.
6. I am constantly reminded at school that without my one friend in class, I am completely alone. On the first day of class, everyone wants to talk to the foreign kid. When you meet people they always say things like 'I would see you around the halls all the time, and I always wanted to introduce myself...' But then you meet people and they meet people and they choose these other people over you and you're left alone.
7. But this isn't a Japan thing, when you think about it. I am always the one left behind. Maybe that's why I moved away. Maybe I'm different. I'm distant. I'm alone.
8. Maybe I'm an android with a delayed emotional response.
LOL
ReplyDeleteSorry, not meant to laugh, but I ended up with the exact same conclusion that I might be an android with delayed response. I realized that few weeks ago too. I've always felt like my emotional reactions were off, weird, not normal. But it wasn't so much about the content but the timing; it was always too late when I understood how I felt.
So I hurt people. I hurt myself emotionally. I hated myself for not understanding.
ReplyDeleteAnd even now, I want to say I love you when the person is not next to me to hear it, and I want to be happy when everyone left after my surprise party.