望みは何かと訊かれたら・・・

・・・君がこの星に居てくれることだ

　 投稿者 yukimusicbox

Sometimes all it takes is someone's bad attitude and horrible words to put you in a shit mood all day. And today was no doubt one of those days.

I've always prided myself on the fact that it takes a whole lot to offend me. But that doesn't mean that I'm not easily hurt. In fact, it's somewhat the opposite.

But that being said, if I am to be hurt, let me be hurt by the people directly involved in the situation at hand. I don't need you to shit on my dreams, as unattainable as they may be, in the hopes of keeping me from being hurt later on. I'm not that frail that I need you to cushion the blow with your negative bullshit. You don't know me well enough to say what you said today, you've never met the other party involved, and you have no right to "save me" the pain of what may or may not come in the future. Furthermore, you have no right to say that you're telling me is "the truth." You aren't this other person, you have no idea of what's going on in someone else's head, so don't insist that you're right.

I know you could be right. I'm sure you probably are too. But I'm especially good at crushing my own hopes. I really don't need another party to help me feel like shit.

I really don't have all that many dreams. And some of them I am quite aware will never be realized. Because they're dreams, and thus not reality. But I don't need to be reminded of that. Because it is sometimes these tiny unattainable dreams that help us from falling apart in life. And I need every little bit of fake hope some days to keep me sane.

Please, Please, Please...

I'm starting to believe that Morrissey and Co. totally wrote all those Smiths songs about me, back in the 80s.

I mean, let's just ignore the fact that the Smiths broke up before I was even born....

...but I swear you can tell the story of my life through their song titles alone.

I've been listening to the song Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want a lot lately. Well, because there are things that I want in life that seem simple enough, and that I feel I never actually seem to have. That and because the song is wonderful.

But today, upon listening to it for the umpteenth time, I couldn't help but wonder: Am I just not getting what I want in life? or is it that I am getting what I want, but it turns out that what I wanted just isn't what I expected it to be?

Expect Less, Enjoy More

What you come to realize when you start to "grow up", is that when you're old enough to make your own decisions, you have no one to blame but yourself for the disappointments you feel.

It isn't others who disappoint us. It is us who place people higher than we should, and when these people fail to give us whatever fantastical things we have imagined that they would one day give us, we are hurt, angry and upset.

But these people have never promised us these things that we seem to want from them. It is us who projected things onto them.

And so it is unfair to be angry with them.




Which, I guess means that the only logical step to go from here is to try and want less. Try to expect less. And try to spend more time enjoying what we do have. Because without that, we have nothing at all.

Nine Months

I can't believe it's been a whole month since my last post!

Well, since my last update, I've finished yet another semester at school, I've moved into a guest house, and Japan and I have celebrated our nine month anniversary.

Nine months.

That being said, we've officially hit the point in time in which I was supposed to be back in Montreal. But here I am, in Tokyo. No regrets.

If I were a good blogger, I'd reflect upon how the last nine months have been eye-opening and worldview-changing, but we all know I'm not like that. That being said, here's to another nine months, Tokyo!

Not gonna lie, I do need to finally get my ass in gear and start applying for part-time work. That or I'll start running out of money. Not that I'm that attached to money per se, but more money means more time in Japan. And I'm still not ready to leave.

I'm sure I'll hit a point when it'll be time to go home. I don't think Tokyo is my forever home. But it's my for-now home, and I plan to enjoy it as much as I can while I'm here. :)