13.06.25

1. You and I are sitting in your room. It is dark and the window is open. A breeze comes in. We are listening to this song and I don't know if I'm in love with the music, or the atmosphere, or maybe even you. You hold me but we don't talk. And we stay this way forever.

2. I like people who are broken. I have no interest in people who fit in. In people who are whole.

3. I feel nostalgic for a past I've never known. It's a strange feeling, but somehow it just feels right.

4. I wish I could go back to that small town in Nagano, surrounded by mountains and trees. The Japan that lies beyond Tokyo is truly beautiful.

13.06.23

1. I've just been so stressed over so many things that my stomach is all angry with me and doing bad things bah. Having had so much to drink yesterday doesn't really help... though funnily enough, I still feel better than I did yesterday afternoon.

2. Despite how awful I felt between heading home after the izakaya and about 5:30 this morning, I really had a great time last night. I think I'm starting to get better at social Japanese get-togethers. Of course, it always depends on the people you're out with, but I used to just get very quiet and not say too much... but yesterday I was super talkative and very much ''me.''

3. I really like using rude Japanese. In context, of course. I feel like it helps me to sound more like I do in English. Of course, my rude Japanese isn't really all that rude (more like guy slang, but I'll take what I can get), but I feel like it helps me to sort of fit in a bit more. That and I love being one of the guys, even though I'm sure that's part of the reason guys tend to pick other girls over me.

4. I'm excited and nervous and terrified about tomorrow and so I can't concentrate and yeah. If he doesn't show up I'll be uber pissed.

5. Momoiro Clover Z makes me so much happier than I ever expected.

13.06.15

1. I think I'm way too calm about the huge pile of things I have to do next week. There will be very little sleep and very much coffee involved.

2. School on Saturday this week? Well, why not. I am also in denial over this fact. Not exactly dreading it though.

3. I have my first ever Japanese-French translation coming up next week and I'm a little nervous about it. I haven't really written in French in like 6 years and my spoken French has gone to shit over the last couple of years. I'm sure I'll figure it out and it'll be a good experience but the first time doing anything is always the hardest. But you gotta start somewhere, right? 

4. There are so many things I want to do on Sunday and so many other things I should do and I feel a little torn between responsibility and leisure and yeah. 

5. But maybe bowling tomorrow night? I'm excited.

6. Boys? Boys. Boys...

13.06.10

私は聞かれたら何でも言う人なんだ。

秘密はほとんどない。

でも最近、秘密を持つことがおそらく良い事かなと。

恥ずかしいから言いたくないと言う訳じゃなく、一人だけで楽しみたいこと。
自分だけのモノにしたいこと。

なんでだろう。

It rained so hard that day. And all I wanted to do was cry.

At that moment I hated you. So much. 

The day had started off well. So full of potential. But then I choked and I fell apart and I blamed you for it.

You and I were headed in the same direction, so they stuffed us in one cab. As the taxi overflowed in your belongings, you and I were crushed together.

And although I couldn't forgive you at the time, somehow you put me at ease and everything just felt better.

And in the months to follow I would find so many reasons to love you and so many to hate you and not a single reason to want to lose you.

13.06.02

1. Reading CLAMP manga really just makes me wanna sit in a library and do research and write about everything that is fucked up forever. Which makes me question my current studying decisions and wonder if this is really what I want.

2. But I never really know what I want. I'm the kind of person who will change her mind ever other week as to what my life calling is. And that's fine I guess when you're a kid, but at 25 years old how am I supposed to deal with this and where do I go from now?

3. But don't get me wrong. I have no plan of quitting Bunka and doing research. It just makes me wonder though if I'll ever be passionate enough about one thing to really become good at it and want to work hard at achieving my goals.

4. I guess we could say that I don't know what I want my end goal to be and that's especially frustrating.

5. Part of the reason for this is because as a child my dream was to learn Japanese and live in Japan. And although there is still a lot of improvement that needs to be done on the language part, I've more or less realized this dream. And realizing your dream at a young age means you have to assemble a new dream. And I really don't know where to go from here.