Simple Pleasures 2

There are many things that I wish I could change about my life, but there are very few things that I regret.

That being said, quitting the piano is very possibly my biggest life regret up until now.

Although I'm not the biggest classical music fan, there's something altogether entrancing about the sound of the piano. Though perhaps it's just me.

No one knows this, but that's one of the reasons I love studying at the Caffe Veloce near my place. Each Veloce has a somewhat different soundtrack that plays, but the one closest to where I live plays this wonderful piano music. I never wear headphones when I study there... I'm just so happy to be listening to what they have to offer.

So as I study dreadful Japanese grammar in my tiny dorm room, I drown out the yelling children that surround the maze of apartment complexes with calming music from Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain and am at peace.

Good Feeling, won't you stay with me...

I hate having bad feelings that you just can't shake.

And when you're as self-destructive as I am, you just keep trying to find problems in something that might have gone well.

Hmm.

The yucky rain outside probably doesn't help.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up...

...I'm a Toys 'R' Us Kid.....

or something like that.

No, but seriously, when did everyone grow up?

Lately when doing the usual rounds of facebook stalking old high school peers, I've noticed that everyone looks... well... grown up. And it's just sort of weird.

People are graduating university, going to grad school, doing internships, getting real jobs, moving in with boyfriends, getting married.... And yet I sort of feel like I'm in a completely different world.

In some ways, I almost am, too. Living halfway around the world is hard to imagine. Not because it's so alien and foreign, but for the exact opposite reason: it's the same. Sure, things are different, but not enough for me to really realize how far away I live from everything I've ever known. Every now and then I have the horrifying realization that I live in Asia. I don't mean 'horrifying' in a bad way though. But 'horrifying' in a I-can't-believe-I'm-literally-on-the-opposite-side-of-the-world way. Maybe it's because no matter where you are, you're always with yourself, so you can't really feel the distance. Or maybe it's just me.

What I've come to learn about life is that people live different kinds of lives, and there's no real right or wrong way to go about it. I obviously sometimes feel jealous of the girls I went to high school with who look their age and seem like they're carelessly enjoying their twenties, when here I am, conflicted over what the next step should be for me in the great game of life. But at the same time, I'm sort of happy that my life is so different from theirs. It's a sort of source of pride, I guess you could say.

So perhaps I don't look like I'm twenty-three. But so what. I'll look hot at fifty.

I'm My Own Best Friend!

Maybe I'm better off alone.

Hear me out before you judge this.

I met a guy I really liked and found out through mega creepage that he liked me back. I didn't see him for a week, and when we did see each other it was sorta awkward. And I felt like shit afterwards. And I've pondered and pondered and pondered about how I felt towards him since. And I'm still pondering. And now I really just don't know.

I felt very alone today. But in a good way. In a it's-alright-to-be-alone way.

When talking with a new friend today I feel like I was better able to sum up these feelings.

I'm extremely lost in life right now. I don't know what I want in any part of my life. I don't know what to do with my future. I don't know what to do with my present. I don't know how to deal with my past. And I don't know if I want to drag someone along for the ride.

This isn't one of those self-torturing-let-me-live-my-life-alone-and-cry-in-a-corner-forever things. It's a let-me-try-to-prioritize-my-life thing.

Having people in your life is both negative and positive. In some ways, it makes you feel more complete, it allows you to have meaningful conversations, be comforted when problems arise. But in other ways it can be negative: people pushing you in the wrong direction, getting advice at the wrong time, feeling the need to censor yourself, becoming dependent.

I'm not going to rule out relationships, or said guy in question. But I also need to think about myself right now and I don't know if I can afford high-commitment distractions.

So, as one of the co-ordinators at my school told me, as I gave her my current life story in a nutshell yesterday: "Well, you've always got Kimutaku, right?" Right. Kimutaku has helped me thus far along my journey in the East. And as I continue to ride on the wings of my imaginary celebrity marriage, I am strangely satisfied.

I can't believe it's already midterm time! The semester is going by so fast!

It's amazing how much material we cover in only a few weeks! And it's even more amazing that I believe I can cover all of said material in a day... But that's besides the point.

I got a package from home today, which is always exciting~! It was jam-packed with microwave popcorn and other edible goodies :) I really like getting mail~! Though I'm not gonna lie, it does make me slightly homesick. But only slightly.

It's hard to say where my "home" is these days. I really like it here. And I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with the fact that in a few short months, I'm to go back to Montreal.

The future is really starting to stress me out. On one hand, I never want to leave Japan. On the other hand, to be able to live and work here, I pretty much legally have to leave to acquire visas and other bureaucratic legal stuff. But what kind of job do I even want to do? Can't I just marry Kimura Takuya already and just live off his fame and fortune? (And of course be extremely happy being married to one of the most famous men in Japan...?)

In order to avoid a semi-emo rant about life and its stresses and worries and uncertainties, I'm just going to leave it at that. I assure you that the little wheels in my head are turning and turning and on their way to establishing some sort of plan. Let's just hope it's a good one!

Simple Pleasures

When you're a foreigner living in Japan, the three questions you are probably most asked are: Where are you from?, How long have you been in Japan? and Why do you study Japanese/like Japan?

Now, the first two questions are answered easily enough. I'm from Canada. I've been here four months. but the third question is always a tough one to answer.

Why do I like Japan? Why do I study Japanese?

Sometimes I wish there was a simple answer to this, just so I don't have to go into petty details and life stories.

Well, boys and girls, this book here (and books like it) is the reason I study Japanese.

It's called 振仮名の歴史, or The History of Furigana. A professor back at McGill lent me this book back in University while I was writing a paper on stuff like this. Unfortunately my Japanese was not at a high enough level to make enough sense out of this book, so I couldn't really use it for anything. Well, today while poking around a bookstore I had never been to, I accidentally stumbled upon it, and after reading (and understand!) parts of the forward, I said 'what the hell', and bought it. Then I sat in the cafe right next to the bookstore and just drank tea and read. Happiness.

I love this kind of stuff. Most people, Japanese or foreign, probably don't give a shit about furigana, or think twice about where it comes from or why it's used. But it's one of the coolest things ever when you think about it. Depending on how much I get out of this comprehension-wise, I might try to see if I can start reading Nihonjinron books. That's another thing I find fascinating. Aah knowledge :3

Coincidentally, I met up with the aforementioned professor last week. He's currently teaching at the university right next to my place. I love how small the world is sometimes :)